'Villebilly

This past month has been one of the most fun I can think of in years, but some things have seriously fallen by the wayside. I cleaned my car, deep cleaned the house, did all of my laundry, paid bills, got organized. I need to slow it down some in September. I need to go to the gym on a regular basis, keep a tight sleeping routine, set an eating schedule. I have been drinking a lot and often – more than I have since college. Hardly eating much, which has led to a smaller dress size. I’m not complaining, but that’s not the optimal way to lose weight. I need better nutrition.

The result of all of the going out I’ve been doing is a lot of new friends. Friends my age that I have things in common with that I never thought I’d find here in Louisville. I also met someone I’m interested in getting to know better and (surprise) he’s interested too. I’m proceeding with caution. Had to let someone else I was interested in go. It had been six or so months. Seriously, the hardest thing to learn that if a guy is interested in you then he shows it and if he’s not there’s no turning him around so forget it.

I have a neighborhood bar now. It’s only a couple of blocks from my house and I’ve become friends with the owners who are great. Kind of a posse of big brothers that I never had. Love them. Now I don’t have to dread a lonely winter – I have a place to go where people know me and like me and I get fed. Haha.

I’m starting to feel like I really live here. Unfortunately, my sister and B. are moving to Philadelphia over Christmas break. I am going to miss them so much, but on the other hand, it’s a cheap flight to visit and will give me someplace to go.

Things have not been so great at work, but I’m working on turning it around. I’ve had a bad attitude, I suppose.

Things on tap for September: I’m the commissioner of a fantasy football league, going to try and break the record for the world’s largest gathering of pirates, trolley hop, happy hours, karaoke and trivia at the bar, a trip to Nashville to see the Pixies and George Strait, then seeing Merle Haggard, Todd Snider, and Frankie Valli this month, Pappy Van Winkle bourbon tasting & dinner, Bourbon Fest, Germantown Beer Walk…life is full and fun right now. Working hard to keep it that way.

It will be interesting to see what I have to report at this time next month!

When we first started going out, all I could think about was getting you back to my flat. Now you’re leaving and all I can think about is I wish we could take 100 more walks like this together.

From an article I was reading:

According to Harville Hendrix, we are most magnetically attracted to people who embody the characteristics of our parents or early caretakers because we unwittingly seek in a partner someone who will re-injure our childhood wounds. Our adult selves can finally heal those wounds, but the more negative those characteristics are (from critical and controlling to charmingly irresponsible) the more intense the attraction we feel.

I’m thinking back to the person I loved the most, someone I met while getting divorced. I felt like a satellite happily orbiting his planet. It didn’t end well, and it took me 3 years to finally get over him. Towards the end he did a couple of very cruel things to me. I had no indication that he could or would hurt me.

On the other hand, the detective I went out with was pretty opposite of the kind of guys I like and he treated me very well.

I’ve put dating aside for now. I’m not as lonely and I’m making friends and having more fun. I do hope though, when I am interested again, that I could find someone who excites and makes me giddy, someone I could love fiercely, who is also mature and kind. I think maturity is the issue. I seem to like guys that are still boyish and then it falls apart when their boyishness either hurts me or drives me crazy.

I have had a few people interested in me on the dating site, but when it comes down to actually meeting them, I suddenly don’t want to. I’m kind of happy right now and taking a chance on a relationship and having it not work out would ruin that. I should just cultivate male friendships. I like men and enjoy their company.

Oh hell, just read the whole article. It was something that caught my eye in my inbox.

if you are chain smokin’, two fisted drinkin’ buck wild child…yeah, ummmm that is a dealbreaker.

ummmm, what if that is only sometimes?

Visit Lone Pine and southern Sierras as part of California desert trip.

http://www.thesierraweb.com/lonepine/activities.cfm

My scalp is burned to a crisp so I’ll have to wear my dorky hat tomorrow. I have a huge scrape on my right knee, scrapes and a bruise on my left, a big scratch on my left shin from a separate incident. Palms are scratched and bruised and I have the funkiest patchiest sunburn. I had a near death experience, a six hour adrenaline rush and my bank hosed me by paying my rent twice. It’s all good though. It’s not a good vacation without a few bumps and scratches.

Animals I have seen: zebra, elephant seals, otters, bear, marmot, osprey, seagulls, violet swallows…no deer yet.

Been doing a lot of thinking about how I want my life to be. A five year plan that gets me where I want to be, which I can only see as a green and blue haze on the horizon.

I have some priorities to take care of as soon as I get home. When I was cleaning my apartment and car before I left and after a good long look at myself, me and my life looks like someone that stopped caring a long time ago. It’s time to pull it together and get my thoughts and emotions pointed in the right direction. Spent the evening reading about Buddhism again. I need to start asking myself, “Is it right?” when I speak and act.

I feel hopeful.

This song soothes me.

When I was in the 4th grade I had a t-shirt that said, “I need a hug” on it. One of my teachers, a sweet older lady, saw it one day and said, “Do you need a hug? Come here” and gave me a big smothering grandma hug. After that I would wear the shirt whenever I was feeling down and make sure she saw me so she would do it again.